Dear Vanessa Hudgens,
It’s me, Janice. You don’t know me but I am quite familiar with you and your public persona. I’ve been one of your early fans, following you from your ascent as Miss High School Musical, singing and dancing your way to the top of Disney royalty as Gabriella Montez. I remember when you first came onscreen–pretty girl, sweet voice, what’s not to love?
What’s not to love is when that’s all you have going for you. This was quickly realized in High School Musical 2 when no matter what you were challenged with, whether it’s evil Sharpay trying to break you and Troy Bolton up, or not being crowned prom queen, you always had on that same face–lips curled into a pouty smirk, wide eyes, hair falling perfectly down to your shoulders. When you were happy, that’s how you looked. When you were sad, that’s how you looked. When you were angry, that’s how you looked. THAT’S ALWAYS HOW YOU LOOKED!
In High School Musical 3, I got to see the same thing, except on big screen (if you think that made me love the movie any less, you’d be mistaken).
So now, here we are, 6 years later. You, a bonafide B plus-list actress, getting your paparazzi shots taken while you go for coffee runs and dinner dates. You’re doing your thang, trying to stay out of nude photo scandals and (hopefully) enjoying your newly single life. It’s awesome to see someone of Irish, Native American, Chinese-Filipino-Spanish descent doing so well in Hollywood. I should have no reason to be contacting you.
So why am I writing to you?
Because you were part of the movie, Beastly.
I just ask you, Vanessa. Why? Why? WHY??!
Okay, I have to admit, the premise of the film does look appealing. You get to play one of the coolest Disney princesses of all time, the “Belle” of the movie. Your beast is the devilishly handsome it-boy, Alex Pettyfer. You get to work with Neil Patrick Harris. Awesome.
But geez, if only the execution of the film was not so…beastly. Dialogue that was trying too hard, actors unconvincingly playing their parts. Oh no, I take that back-one line was very well executed. This was when the witch, played aptly by Mary Kate Olsen, hissed, “embrace the suck.” That one line most certainly embodied the whole film. The movie was so drenched in “suck” that it was hard not to embrace it. And hey, you know something’s wrong when an Olsen twin is the best part of the movie. Truth be told, the awfulness of the movie wasn’t even really your fault. You were just doing what you always did-smiling, pouting, talking in a slightly valley girl accent, looking pretty.
I watched Beastly with my sister and her friend. The entire time, we couldn’t believe the monstrosity onscreen in front of us but at the same time, we didn’t want to leave because we were hoping, hoping that the film was just get a tad better. I’m sad to say it never did. Or maybe it did but I wouldn’t know because I did not-could not-stay for the rest of the film. A week later, my sister is still apologizing to me for suggesting the movie.
So I’m writing to you, Van (I can call you that, can I?) to please please please stop being in movies that suck. I’m a big Zack Snyder fan so it’ll be cool to see you kick ass along with Jamie Chung in Sucker Punch. I have high hopes for this.
In the meantime, I already got my money back for Beastly and made peace with the fact that I will never get those 40 minutes back but it’s all good. You will still be near and dear to my heart for the beloved first High School Musical. Might I suggest something though for your future acting gigs? As an actress, I understand that you know what works for you (and that’s your adorable smile and sparkling brown eyes) but can you also…try to act a little more next time? We would love to se you step out of your comfort zone, let down your guard and really, just… act.
And another musical wouldn’t hurt.
But seriously, stay sweet and stay out of trouble!