Summer 2013 | Online Dating Diary (O.D.D): Back To The Real World

DEPT: The Market
ISSUE: Summer 2013



In my last column, I made a vow that I would be honest with myself, specifically about what I wanted: more of a relationship and less casual dating. I would stop going along with what the guy wanted, which always seemed to end up with me being a doormat or a best friend. With that in mind, I decided to vocalize what I was looking for (and not looking for) when the next guy came around.

Then along came Brandon (not his real name).

I met Brandon online and went on a couple of dates with him. From the beginning, I was brutally honest: 1) He wasn’t going to sleep with me right off the bat, and 2) I wasn’t going to take on the role of his therapist. With that in place, it was fun getting to know him through texts and drinks, exchanging stories about growing up in our respective hometowns, and work adventures. Then out of nowhere, he laid a stink bomb on me: He was suicidal, possibly a borderline personality, with a lot of baggage, and would make the worst boyfriend ever. He started to unpack every dark secret he’d ever harbored while I just sat there looking dumbfounded the entire time. I thought maybe we could just be friends, but he began to act possessively and it got to the point where I almost had to dial 911 while at work. Thankfully, we drifted apart before it escalated any further.

There was one thing about Brandon that stuck with me: He had asked me why I chose to continue dating online when there simply weren’t any quality men online. I realized that I had hit a slump and needed to take a break from online dating. I had grown too comfortable with how convenient it was. And as soon as I got offline, I discovered I wasn’t the same person I was nine months ago when I had started actively using an online dating profile.

In fact, one of the most important things I learned from online dating was the power of withholding information. In addition to my concealed face, I kept a bare-bones profile on the dating site — and it attracted a lot more men than I would’ve imagined. There are plenty of dating articles that tell us how men love the chase — this idea of acquiring information is just a part of that. Now, when I meet new guys, I’m social, but I don’t give out too much personal information.

Regardless, going back to the “real world” wasn’t very different. In fact, I started recognizing some of the guys who had messaged me on the dating site at actual events. While initially it was alarming to be in such close proximity to them (even though they didn’t realize it was me), I relished in the realization that some of their personalities were very different from their online profiles. Of course, all this means is that online dating has become very normal. It hasn’t replaced meeting people in real life, but it may impact our dating patterns.

I tell you, though — I wasn’t offline for very long. After three weeks, I went back to the dating site. Since Brandon, I’ll admit I’ve become numb. I’m starting to develop an attitude where I don’t care how my dating escapades turn out. A girlfriend pointed out that because I had only been in love once in my life, right after college, the online dating experience probably made me even more jaded. Which made me think about my dating style: Should I continue with the serial dating and risk becoming more jaded? Or is it better to date a lot less, but risk not developing a love life?

Until next time. — O.D.D. Girl

Celebrating Chennai Express: Shah Rukh Khan’s Best Movie Looks (in GIFs)

In honor of Shah Rukh Khan’s latest film Chennai Express, out August 8, here are his best looks:


1. The “I Know I’m Here For Your Wedding/Engagement Party, but You Know You Love Me” look.


2.  The “I’ll Save You From the ______” look.





…Overbearing Father


3. The “Oops, I Got Stuck to You, but It’s Not Creepy because This is How You Realize I’ll Love You More Than Anyone Else in the World” Look

shahrukhkhan2 shahrukhkhan1



4. The “Don’t Think You Can Escape Me, I’m Always In Your Heart” Look



5. The “I’m Acting Like a Spoiled Brat, So Your World Can Be Even More Blown When Upcoming Lessons in Humility Turns Me Into The Perfect Man For You” look.




6. The “I’ll Catch You When You Fall” Look


7. The “Now I’m Just Showing Off” Look





8. The “I’m Not Ashamed to Cry” Look





9. The “I PromiseYou. Everything Will Be OK” Look




And of course…

10: The “I Will Love You Until The End of Time” Look




Ask Audrey Staff | Awkward Love Advice From Asian Parents

There is a saying that Asian parents and older Asians in general like inserting themselves in our lives. They want to pass on their knowledge and wisdom by giving their opinion on everything. Everything. They will tell us how we ought to handle school, how to keep our complexions maintained, and even enforce a handful of cultural urban myths that make absolutely no sense, but must be followed because the elders say so.

So when we finally reach an age where dating is acceptable to our parents (ie. the age we finally stop hiding our significant others from them), our parents and relatives believe thats it’s their born duty to give us love advice. Awkward? Yes. Makes no sense? Sometimes. Funny? Always.

Since we have an abundance of it, we’ve decided to share this wisdom and knowledge with you. Here is our own account of Awkward Love Advice From Asian Parents:

Disclaimer: These are all actual things that our parents/relatives have told us, but by no means do we actually believe in or endorse this advice at all. We find it just as awkward as you do.

“Don’t talk to him/her too much. Then you will run out of things to say and then you will start fighting. And then you will break up. No happy ending.”

“If you’re out on a date and he can’t decide what to order, he’s no good. If he keeps changing his taste in food, then he’ll change his taste in women.”

“Don’t date men who are too pale. They are weak sexually.”

“Check out the girls’ mother. That’s what she’ll end up looking like in 20-30 years.”

“Marry someone who is ugly so he will never cheat on you.”

“If you marry a girl with a widow’s peak, you would die early.”

make up
“When your husband gets home from work, put some makeup on so that you don’t look like a sick person. Men are visual creatures.”

“If a man has a mole on his lips, thats good. It means he’s a good kisser. If a woman has a mole on her lips, thats bad. It means she gossips too much.”

mother son
“Be like his mother. Men like women who remind them of their mothers.”

“Don’t be like his mother. Men hate when women remind them of their mothers.”

MUST WATCH: 17-Year-Old Kim Ho in ‘The Language of Love’

If you’re in the mood to have your heart melt, then we have just the thing for you. Australian highschool student, Kim Ho, stars in his beautifully written short, “The Language of Love”.

The short follows a highschool student, Charlie, who is unable to focus on his French exam when the assignment asks him to write a letter to his best friend.

He pulls the audience into his own world and eventually reveals his inner-struggle. He is in love with his best friend- who happens to be a boy. We are allowed into his very personal emotions of passionate confession, confusion, and fear.

“Its not because he’s a boy,” Charlie explains,  “He just happens to be one and I can’t figure out if that makes it wrong”

Charlie pulls us deeper and deeper into his personal feelings and ultimately reaches a realization.

“You always hear people say it’s weird and just not normal, but isn’t that the point of love?” he asks. “To transcend normalness and become something special?”

Needless to say, this short film is beautiful, inspiring, and heartwarming. Watch it for yourself below:

Post College Blues: Forever Alone… at 23?

“Now that college is over, I don’t know how else I can meet the love of my life. I’m destined to be a cat lady.”

This is the part where the late-twenties laugh at the absurdity of my generation. If you’re reading that line thinking that a person so young can’t possibly say something like that, then you’re unfortunately mistaken. Since college graduation, I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve heard this said in seriousness.

By no means am I trying to justify this hopelessness from my fellow early twenty-year-olds. I thoroughly believe that not finding the love of your life by 23 is not the end of the world. However, since I am part of this hopeless-romantic generation myself, I understand where this is coming from.

cory and topanga

We grew up watching the great television loves. Boy Meets World, Saved by the Bell, Wonder Years, Dawson’s Creek. They all made us grow up believing that we’d fall for our childhood best friend.

But then our childhood ended. There was no childhood best friend turned lover, but that was okay. All the books, movies, and tv shows taught us that highschool was where love really blossomed. We would have our first relationship, our first kiss, and we would have our great love story by the time highschool was through.

But then highschool ended. Many of us hadn’t found “the one” at this point. Thankfully, before entering a state of hopelessness,  we were thrown into college. Surrounded by an entirely new crowd of potential loves, we believed that college was now our place to find our life partner. After all, many of our parents (as it turns out) met in college or at the age of 18-23.


But then college ended. And this is where we began panicking because nothing about the real world held resemblance to the shows we had relied on. Post-grad did not mean instantly finding a job and moving out with your friends and significant other. Our post-grad meant loans, unpaid internships, moving back home, and for some of us, an absence of that significant other that we were so sure we’d find.

loan debt

The point I am trying to make is that while it is easy to laugh at a 23 year old who says that they’re going to be “forever alone”, one must understand that this is all part of the panic. Upon finishing college, many of my generation entered a momentary panic because a lot of things were not turning out to be what our childhood made us believe. Immature? Yes. False sense of entitlement? Absolutely. But this is something that I would like to believe is a moment that we will all look back on and laugh at.

So maybe the late-twenties were never actually laughing at us because the statement was absurd. Maybe they were laughing because they went through this process and they already understood that contrary to  what we had expected, not having it all figured out at the age of 23 is nothing new.


Do we honestly think we’ve reached our prime and have no hope of finding the love of our life? Absolutely not. We know that there tons of ways we may meet our life partner- work, mutual friends, or just being at the right place at the right time. Deep down, we know its a matter of time. But this is the panic and we must see it through.

Emotional Cheating Vs. Physical Cheating

“Would you rather be physically or emotionally cheated on?”

Whenever I am asked this question, I always have the same response- I would, without a doubt, choose to be physically cheated on. By no means am I saying that being physically cheated on is a good option. I simply believe that being emotionally cheated on cuts deeper and hurts more. Much more.

When one is physically cheated on, this is often out of lust or attraction towards someone else. In fact, many individuals who have been the ones to physically cheat on their significant other (and when I say physically, I mean that there were no emotions involved what so ever) have admitted that this was a momentary fluke. It was usually an illogical (and often intoxicated) decision that was “in the moment” and with an individual that they could never realistically give their heart to. Many times, the specific individual that they chose for their infidelity didn’t actually matter.

Am I trying to justify physical cheating as a minor mistake that should be easily forgiven? Absolutely not. But the other option?

Being emotionally cheated on means that your significant other was able to see another person in the same light that was only suppose to be given to you. No longer is this a question of attractiveness or your significant other’s moment of poor judgment. These are actual emotions that have potential to be something more serious.

The scary part? You may never actually know when you’re emotionally cheated on. Emotional cheating does not necessarily have to be acted on or even told to you. Quite frankly, your significant other may not even know that they’re emotionally cheating simply because there’s no rulebook that specifies what emotional cheating is. Is it having a crush on someone? Is it having a emotional connection with another person? Is it even simply having thoughts of another person being “the one”?

Physical cheating can be measured and discussed. In fact, this happens often in relationships. Together, you two decide what’s okay and what crosses the line. For some, kissing is cheating. For others, simply dancing in the club with someone else is. But how do you tell your significant other that they’re not allowed to have a crush or have emotions for someone else when, arguably, that is out of their control?

Huffington Post recently tried to solve the mystery of what is considered emotional cheating by surveying 1,000 U.S. adults. They found this discovery:

Emotional Cheating lies in the eyes of the beholder
60% of people said that if their significant other developed a “deep emotional connection” with someone else, they would consider it cheating. Only 18% of people said it would not be cheating. When the question was flipped, however, and they were the ones who developed a deep emotional connection with someone else, only 50% of the people believed it was cheating and an increased 29% said it would not be.

Gender Matters
Men proved more consistent with their responses as opposed to women. About half of the men agreed that if they or their partner developed that emotional connection, it would be considered cheating. Women, however, were quick to change their response. If their partner developed the emotional relationship, 70% believed it would  be cheating. If they were the ones to develop the emotional relationship, only 56% believed it would be cheating.

So tell us what you think. What truly counts as emotional cheating? Do things like gender really matter in this situation. Is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? Comment below
To view the survey, click here.

Is Your Face “Fling Material” or “Relationship Material”?



“What do you look for in a woman?”

In this day and age, it seems like we’ve heard all the responses. The romantic will talk about finding a girl with eyes that take his breath away. The realistic man will talk about a motivated and intelligent woman. The intoxicated guy at the bar will tell far too many details about the coke-bottle body he thinks he’s going home with that night (the keyword being “thinks”).

In what felt like an endless laundry list of traits, we thought nothing could surprise us. This was, of course, before we discovered that a man may actually determine what type of relationship he will have with you based on the shape of your face.

A recent study shows that the shape of your face may determine whether you are “fling material” or “long-term material”. Now before you automatically enter skepticism (which I was guilty of when I first heard about this study) it is important to note that researchers believe this may be entirely subconscious for a man.

Researchers studied hundreds of men by showing them faces of women and asking which ones would be chosen for long-term relationships and which would be chosen for flings. Apparently facial features which are considered feminine (such a small chins and full cheeks) were often chosen as fling traits while features considered more masculine (stronger jaws and square faces) were chosen for long-term relationships. The theory is that subconsciously men find feminine features more attractive, but this attractiveness means that she is more likely to enter an affair.

Of course, there seems to be a number of opportunities where this study may have gone astray. Was race taken into consideration? Do full cheeks simply remind men of more youthful girls and they equate youth to flings as oppose to long-term relationships? What about the fact that it seems quite insulting that the woman’s likelihood of cheating is dependent on how attractive she is?

Tell us what you think and comment below!

Image source

Five Ways To Deal With Heartbreak (Inspired by Seo In Guk’s “With Laughter or With Tears”)

If you’re in need of a good cry then you may want to check out Seo In Guk’s “With Laughter or With Tears” Music Video. The song makes us feel that all too familiar pain that comes with heartbreak and the loneliness of losing the one you love.


After  indulging in such a sad song, we decided that we wanted to show our readers a more  positive way of thinking. So wipe those tears away and continue reading for Audrey’s Five Ways To Deal With Heartbreak:

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Ask Audrey Staff | First Date Gone Wrong

The awkward silences. The nervous need to find something to talk about. The need to impress.

Ah yes, the familiar feelings of a first date.  If you’re one of the lucky ones, first dates are  exciting experiences leaving you wanting more. And for the not-so-lucky ones? A palm to the face. Here at Audrey we’ve had our number of uncomfortable first dates and (just because we love our readers)  we’re he’re to share them! Click on to see Audrey Staff spill our FIRST DATE GONE WRONG stories:

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