Revenge Done Wrong: Girl Publicly Shames Guy She Had A Few Dates With

A 26-year-old Chinese American writer who describes herself as “a connaisseuse of all things entertainment and communications” has set a perfect example of how one should not handle a break up.

Quin Woodward Pu, editor-in-chief of online blog Little Black Blog, decided to share one of her personal dating experiences with her readers. For the sake of the interested parties, many authors try to be discreet about sharing details about their personal life. Pu, on the other hand, decided to go in the opposite direction.

Dishing on all the details (of her side of the story), Pu tells readers about a guy she met at a bar and started emailing. She also adds how sloppy and drunk he was though we get the feeling this was just another jab at him. After a few dates, she invited the man to her birthday party, but ended up receiving the following text message:

text

At this point, we’re on Pu’s side. One should never have to receive such ill news via text. But on the other hand, it wasn’t a very mean text at all. Honesty is best right? If he wasn’t looking for a relationship, it was best that he expressed that early on. It’s irritating, but certainly not unforgivable… right?

Apparently not for Pu.

“I was stunned into paralysis,” she dramatically explains. “I had no words–this never happens–and I just felt short of breath. There were many things that pissed me off, but I was so flustered I couldn’t even articulate them. Again, this is a serious problem for a writer and effusive communicator.”

Play it cool? Forget that. Pu sends an excruciatingly long response sprinkled with some compliments for herself and some harsh words for him:

response

Now don’t get us wrong. Her anger? Totally understandable. It’s not like she can help that. Responding with the full passion of her feelings? Sure, it’s her life. But involving his boss and coworkers? Sharing their text conversations to the public? A little harsh.

Our advice: Take a step back and calm yourself down after being dumped. Often, the initial reaction is to hurt the person in the way you’ve been hurt, but this doesn’t have to be done in an extreme manner. If you weren’t ready for a relationship, your job should not be suddenly threatened because you were honest about it.

Read more about this story here.

Solve Your Love, Trust and Relationship Issues with … a Spray Bottle?

Love complications, sticky situations, and trust issues. Yes, here at Audrey, we’ve come across a fair share of these unfortunate relationship stories from both personal experience and everyday chit-chat with others.

So we started thinking. Wouldn’t it be great if there was some sort of magical solution to it all? If there were a product we could purchase and no longer fear our trust issue’s worst nightmare? Wouldn’t it be great to just be able to have some sort of control over love and trust?

Then we found exactly what we imagined. No, not magic. Apparently, the product we’ve been looking for is available thanks to science.

Vero Labs brings us Liquid Trust.  The website claims,

“Liquid Trust Enhanced has been specially designed to give a boost to the dating and relationship area of your life. This upgraded formula still contains the same great Oxytocin formula, but now includes the powerful pheromones Androstenone and Androsterone.

Neal-Handel-728x90-Leaderboard-Ad

 

Apparently the formula is laced with oxytocin- a hormone our body naturally creates. The idea is that the hormone promotes social interaction. Oxytocin is produced in the brain’s hypothalamus, which regulates emotion and is believed to be key in pair-bonding.

The website claims “Without realizing why, the people around you have a strong feeling of trust. They can’t explain it, but you know that Liquid Trust is doing its magic!”

Skeptical? Suspicious? We certainly are. But like us, Thought Catalog‘s Mélanie Berliet was filled with curiosity. After ordering a bottle herself, her results were what we expected: inconclusive.

Did Liquid Trust really help her get a deal on new shoes and have a great night in with her boyfriend? Or was the spray simply implementing a placebo effect and giving her the confidence to do these things? We may never know- the bottle ended up in the trash after all.

A product like this can create a whole world of progress. Berliet points out that it can ”help those afflicted with social phobias, autism or Williams syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that leads children to approach strangers indiscriminately.” But on the other hand, it has commercial exploitation written all over it.

With the experiment behind her and the bottle in the trash, Berliet realized that even if the spray did work, do we really want to alter someones internal chemistry and redirect their emotions so inorganically?

We’re gonna go ahead and stick to the old-fashioned way.

 

After 10 Years of The Awful Truth: A Teachable Moment

COLUMNIST PAUL NAKAYAMA RUMINATES OVER HIS INABILITY TO FIND THE ONE WITHIN THE PAST DECADE AND COMES UP WITH A FEW PRACTICAL LOVE LESSONS.

 

It’s hard to believe, but this is my 10th year writing The Awful Truth. I joked around with my editor that I was probably the most veteran employee at the company.

“So,” she asked, “in a decade, what have you learned about relationships or love?”

I opened my mouth to answer and instead, changed the subject to sports. If I were going to be clueless in a conversation, it would at least be regarding something I didn’t care about. When I started working on this column, I was an idealistic 28-year-old. I thought I’d definitely be married with kids in a 10-year span. But one minute, I’m watching marathons of 24, and in the next, I’m effing 38.

So, I thought about it. Why didn’t it work out with some of the great loves of my life, or why haven’t I found The One? (And by The One, I don’t mean Keanu Reeves, though at this point it’s better than nothing.) I stared at a blank page on my laptop in hopes of writing out a clever answer. My head started to hurt, so instead I watched five seasons of Mad Men. You probably think that I’m single because I’m addicted to television. You’re not wrong, but there’s more to it.

Half procrastinating, half ruminating, I started organizing a bunch of names into columns as an exercise. Column A: Girls I liked. Column B: Girls who liked me. Column C: Girls from A and B that actually dated me. And in doing this, the answer revealed itself before me — like with dating, I was overthinking things.

I remember my friend telling me about how this girl had sent him a one-page letter from summer camp. Prepubescent boner on full alert, he promptly replied with a five-page gesture, full of wit and passion. She wrote back with another one-pager, saying mostly that camp sucks. This is pretty much the analogy for how I chased girls whom I thought I saw a chance with, seeing signs when there were none. In modern terms, it’s the same as texting a girl, getting a nebulous response a day later, and thinking, “She texted back … there’s a chance!”

Making a small thing seem like a big thing was my thing. I’d break up with girls that offended me in minor ways because I would think, “If she’s capable of that, what else is she gonna do to me?” For example, I called it off with this one girl because she made me eat a spoonful of mayo in front of my friends to prove my love for her. I did it to save her face, but oh, did I loathe her for that. Come to think of it, she made me eat the Devil’s seed, and I’m glad I dumped her.

As I get older, I realize I’ve become a little superstitious. I believe in jinxing myself. I’ve seen enough great opportunities go sour because I couldn’t wait to tell my friends about some girl and how we made a connection. You know, boasts that would end with “Well, I wouldn’t call her my girlfriend … yet.” And sure enough I never did. To me, luck is now a big part of whether it works out with someone. Even if she’s the right girl, it’s just good luck or bad luck as to whether you met her at the right time. So if luck is a factor, least I can do is shut the hell up and not jinx myself.

Another thing I used to do wrong was fall for girls for all the wrong reasons. Just because she can sing her ass off and give me goose bumps does not mean we’re meant to be. Otherwise I’d be in love with Mariah Carey, and she’s insane. Or just because she thinks video games are art and shares my opinion that “Bioshock” is a masterpiece of modern storytelling does not make her Mrs. Right, though technically it makes her right. Sadly, it wasn’t from self-realization, but rather Chloë Grace Moretz’s 12-year-old character in 500 Days of Summer that taught me that nugget of wisdom.

In writing this piece, I had a High Fidelity moment. I considered talking to all of my exes to suss out where things fell apart — you know, what the common thread of my failed relationships might be. But they’re all nice girls — too nice to call me a dick to my face — so I sat and thought on it. As you’ve already guessed, the common thread is me. If there’s any hope for this trend to end, it’s got to start with that. So, finally, the following is a list of things that have caused problems in the past that I will take to heart.

Be honest with how I feel. Not be jealous, or if I am, not be Real House- wives-y about it. Learn to enjoy her interests every now and then, unless she’s into S&M. Don’t dance unless there are strobe lights or it’s dark. Never dress up as Pocahontas ever again. Forcing a schedule on love seems to almost always ruin it, but taking it for granted is a slow death. Don’t be mean to girls who enjoy mayo; they’re people, too.

This story was originally published in the Summer ’13 issue of Audrey Magazine. Buy your copy here

 

 

Summer 2013 | Online Dating Diary (O.D.D): Back To The Real World

DEPT: The Market
AUTHOR: O.D.D. Girl
ISSUE: Summer 2013

“AFTER DEALING WITH THE BIGGEST ONLINE FROG TO DATE, O.D.D. GIRL DECIDES TO TAKE A BREAK FROM THE ONLINE DATING WORLD.”

 

In my last column, I made a vow that I would be honest with myself, specifically about what I wanted: more of a relationship and less casual dating. I would stop going along with what the guy wanted, which always seemed to end up with me being a doormat or a best friend. With that in mind, I decided to vocalize what I was looking for (and not looking for) when the next guy came around.

Then along came Brandon (not his real name).

I met Brandon online and went on a couple of dates with him. From the beginning, I was brutally honest: 1) He wasn’t going to sleep with me right off the bat, and 2) I wasn’t going to take on the role of his therapist. With that in place, it was fun getting to know him through texts and drinks, exchanging stories about growing up in our respective hometowns, and work adventures. Then out of nowhere, he laid a stink bomb on me: He was suicidal, possibly a borderline personality, with a lot of baggage, and would make the worst boyfriend ever. He started to unpack every dark secret he’d ever harbored while I just sat there looking dumbfounded the entire time. I thought maybe we could just be friends, but he began to act possessively and it got to the point where I almost had to dial 911 while at work. Thankfully, we drifted apart before it escalated any further.

There was one thing about Brandon that stuck with me: He had asked me why I chose to continue dating online when there simply weren’t any quality men online. I realized that I had hit a slump and needed to take a break from online dating. I had grown too comfortable with how convenient it was. And as soon as I got offline, I discovered I wasn’t the same person I was nine months ago when I had started actively using an online dating profile.

In fact, one of the most important things I learned from online dating was the power of withholding information. In addition to my concealed face, I kept a bare-bones profile on the dating site — and it attracted a lot more men than I would’ve imagined. There are plenty of dating articles that tell us how men love the chase — this idea of acquiring information is just a part of that. Now, when I meet new guys, I’m social, but I don’t give out too much personal information.

Regardless, going back to the “real world” wasn’t very different. In fact, I started recognizing some of the guys who had messaged me on the dating site at actual events. While initially it was alarming to be in such close proximity to them (even though they didn’t realize it was me), I relished in the realization that some of their personalities were very different from their online profiles. Of course, all this means is that online dating has become very normal. It hasn’t replaced meeting people in real life, but it may impact our dating patterns.

I tell you, though — I wasn’t offline for very long. After three weeks, I went back to the dating site. Since Brandon, I’ll admit I’ve become numb. I’m starting to develop an attitude where I don’t care how my dating escapades turn out. A girlfriend pointed out that because I had only been in love once in my life, right after college, the online dating experience probably made me even more jaded. Which made me think about my dating style: Should I continue with the serial dating and risk becoming more jaded? Or is it better to date a lot less, but risk not developing a love life?

Until next time. — O.D.D. Girl

Celebrating Chennai Express: Shah Rukh Khan’s Best Movie Looks (in GIFs)

In honor of Shah Rukh Khan’s latest film Chennai Express, out August 8, here are his best looks:

 

1. The “I Know I’m Here For Your Wedding/Engagement Party, but You Know You Love Me” look.

shahrukhkhankkkgshahrukhkhankkkg2

2.  The “I’ll Save You From the ______” look.

…Fire

shahrukhkhanfire

…Tiger

shahrukhkhantiger

…Overbearing Father

srkddljfather

3. The “Oops, I Got Stuck to You, but It’s Not Creepy because This is How You Realize I’ll Love You More Than Anyone Else in the World” Look

shahrukhkhan2 shahrukhkhan1

shahrukhkhanredcarpetshahrukhkhanredcarpet2

srkstuck

4. The “Don’t Think You Can Escape Me, I’m Always In Your Heart” Look

shahrukhkhanveilshahrukhkhaneating

shahrukhkhanbackground

5. The “I’m Acting Like a Spoiled Brat, So Your World Can Be Even More Blown When Upcoming Lessons in Humility Turns Me Into The Perfect Man For You” look.

srkkkhhshahrukhkhanshutup

 

srkmtg

6. The “I’ll Catch You When You Fall” Look

shahrukhkhanfall1shahrukhkhanfall2

7. The “Now I’m Just Showing Off” Look

srkmhna

srkmhna2

srk1srk2

srk3srk4

8. The “I’m Not Ashamed to Cry” Look

shahrukhkhancrysrkkhnh

srkcry2

srkcry4

srkcry

9. The “I PromiseYou. Everything Will Be OK” Look

shahrukhkhanok

srkddlj

shahrukhkhanchaiyya

And of course…

10: The “I Will Love You Until The End of Time” Look

srklovesrklove2

srklove3

srklove5

Ask Audrey Staff | Awkward Love Advice From Asian Parents

There is a saying that Asian parents and older Asians in general like inserting themselves in our lives. They want to pass on their knowledge and wisdom by giving their opinion on everything. Everything. They will tell us how we ought to handle school, how to keep our complexions maintained, and even enforce a handful of cultural urban myths that make absolutely no sense, but must be followed because the elders say so.

So when we finally reach an age where dating is acceptable to our parents (ie. the age we finally stop hiding our significant others from them), our parents and relatives believe thats it’s their born duty to give us love advice. Awkward? Yes. Makes no sense? Sometimes. Funny? Always.

Since we have an abundance of it, we’ve decided to share this wisdom and knowledge with you. Here is our own account of Awkward Love Advice From Asian Parents:

Disclaimer: These are all actual things that our parents/relatives have told us, but by no means do we actually believe in or endorse this advice at all. We find it just as awkward as you do.

shhhhh
“Don’t talk to him/her too much. Then you will run out of things to say and then you will start fighting. And then you will break up. No happy ending.”

date
“If you’re out on a date and he can’t decide what to order, he’s no good. If he keeps changing his taste in food, then he’ll change his taste in women.”

pale
“Don’t date men who are too pale. They are weak sexually.”

mother
“Check out the girls’ mother. That’s what she’ll end up looking like in 20-30 years.”

tux
“Marry someone who is ugly so he will never cheat on you.”

widows
“If you marry a girl with a widow’s peak, you would die early.”

make up
“When your husband gets home from work, put some makeup on so that you don’t look like a sick person. Men are visual creatures.”

mole
“If a man has a mole on his lips, thats good. It means he’s a good kisser. If a woman has a mole on her lips, thats bad. It means she gossips too much.”

mother son
“Be like his mother. Men like women who remind them of their mothers.”

MrsChangGlee
“Don’t be like his mother. Men hate when women remind them of their mothers.”

MUST WATCH: 17-Year-Old Kim Ho in ‘The Language of Love’

If you’re in the mood to have your heart melt, then we have just the thing for you. Australian highschool student, Kim Ho, stars in his beautifully written short, “The Language of Love”.

The short follows a highschool student, Charlie, who is unable to focus on his French exam when the assignment asks him to write a letter to his best friend.

He pulls the audience into his own world and eventually reveals his inner-struggle. He is in love with his best friend- who happens to be a boy. We are allowed into his very personal emotions of passionate confession, confusion, and fear.

“Its not because he’s a boy,” Charlie explains,  ”He just happens to be one and I can’t figure out if that makes it wrong”

Charlie pulls us deeper and deeper into his personal feelings and ultimately reaches a realization.

“You always hear people say it’s weird and just not normal, but isn’t that the point of love?” he asks. “To transcend normalness and become something special?”

Needless to say, this short film is beautiful, inspiring, and heartwarming. Watch it for yourself below:

Post College Blues: Forever Alone… at 23?

“Now that college is over, I don’t know how else I can meet the love of my life. I’m destined to be a cat lady.”

This is the part where the late-twenties laugh at the absurdity of my generation. If you’re reading that line thinking that a person so young can’t possibly say something like that, then you’re unfortunately mistaken. Since college graduation, I can’t tell you the number of times that I’ve heard this said in seriousness.

By no means am I trying to justify this hopelessness from my fellow early twenty-year-olds. I thoroughly believe that not finding the love of your life by 23 is not the end of the world. However, since I am part of this hopeless-romantic generation myself, I understand where this is coming from.

cory and topanga

We grew up watching the great television loves. Boy Meets World, Saved by the Bell, Wonder Years, Dawson’s Creek. They all made us grow up believing that we’d fall for our childhood best friend.

But then our childhood ended. There was no childhood best friend turned lover, but that was okay. All the books, movies, and tv shows taught us that highschool was where love really blossomed. We would have our first relationship, our first kiss, and we would have our great love story by the time highschool was through.

But then highschool ended. Many of us hadn’t found “the one” at this point. Thankfully, before entering a state of hopelessness,  we were thrown into college. Surrounded by an entirely new crowd of potential loves, we believed that college was now our place to find our life partner. After all, many of our parents (as it turns out) met in college or at the age of 18-23.

 

But then college ended. And this is where we began panicking because nothing about the real world held resemblance to the shows we had relied on. Post-grad did not mean instantly finding a job and moving out with your friends and significant other. Our post-grad meant loans, unpaid internships, moving back home, and for some of us, an absence of that significant other that we were so sure we’d find.

loan debt

The point I am trying to make is that while it is easy to laugh at a 23 year old who says that they’re going to be “forever alone”, one must understand that this is all part of the panic. Upon finishing college, many of my generation entered a momentary panic because a lot of things were not turning out to be what our childhood made us believe. Immature? Yes. False sense of entitlement? Absolutely. But this is something that I would like to believe is a moment that we will all look back on and laugh at.

So maybe the late-twenties were never actually laughing at us because the statement was absurd. Maybe they were laughing because they went through this process and they already understood that contrary to  what we had expected, not having it all figured out at the age of 23 is nothing new.

 

Do we honestly think we’ve reached our prime and have no hope of finding the love of our life? Absolutely not. We know that there tons of ways we may meet our life partner- work, mutual friends, or just being at the right place at the right time. Deep down, we know its a matter of time. But this is the panic and we must see it through.

Emotional Cheating Vs. Physical Cheating

“Would you rather be physically or emotionally cheated on?”

Whenever I am asked this question, I always have the same response- I would, without a doubt, choose to be physically cheated on. By no means am I saying that being physically cheated on is a good option. I simply believe that being emotionally cheated on cuts deeper and hurts more. Much more.

When one is physically cheated on, this is often out of lust or attraction towards someone else. In fact, many individuals who have been the ones to physically cheat on their significant other (and when I say physically, I mean that there were no emotions involved what so ever) have admitted that this was a momentary fluke. It was usually an illogical (and often intoxicated) decision that was “in the moment” and with an individual that they could never realistically give their heart to. Many times, the specific individual that they chose for their infidelity didn’t actually matter.

Am I trying to justify physical cheating as a minor mistake that should be easily forgiven? Absolutely not. But the other option?

Being emotionally cheated on means that your significant other was able to see another person in the same light that was only suppose to be given to you. No longer is this a question of attractiveness or your significant other’s moment of poor judgment. These are actual emotions that have potential to be something more serious.

The scary part? You may never actually know when you’re emotionally cheated on. Emotional cheating does not necessarily have to be acted on or even told to you. Quite frankly, your significant other may not even know that they’re emotionally cheating simply because there’s no rulebook that specifies what emotional cheating is. Is it having a crush on someone? Is it having a emotional connection with another person? Is it even simply having thoughts of another person being “the one”?

Physical cheating can be measured and discussed. In fact, this happens often in relationships. Together, you two decide what’s okay and what crosses the line. For some, kissing is cheating. For others, simply dancing in the club with someone else is. But how do you tell your significant other that they’re not allowed to have a crush or have emotions for someone else when, arguably, that is out of their control?

Huffington Post recently tried to solve the mystery of what is considered emotional cheating by surveying 1,000 U.S. adults. They found this discovery:

Emotional Cheating lies in the eyes of the beholder
60% of people said that if their significant other developed a “deep emotional connection” with someone else, they would consider it cheating. Only 18% of people said it would not be cheating. When the question was flipped, however, and they were the ones who developed a deep emotional connection with someone else, only 50% of the people believed it was cheating and an increased 29% said it would not be.

Gender Matters
Men proved more consistent with their responses as opposed to women. About half of the men agreed that if they or their partner developed that emotional connection, it would be considered cheating. Women, however, were quick to change their response. If their partner developed the emotional relationship, 70% believed it would  be cheating. If they were the ones to develop the emotional relationship, only 56% believed it would be cheating.

So tell us what you think. What truly counts as emotional cheating? Do things like gender really matter in this situation. Is physical cheating worse than emotional cheating? Comment below
To view the survey, click here.

Is Your Face “Fling Material” or “Relationship Material”?

 

 

“What do you look for in a woman?”

In this day and age, it seems like we’ve heard all the responses. The romantic will talk about finding a girl with eyes that take his breath away. The realistic man will talk about a motivated and intelligent woman. The intoxicated guy at the bar will tell far too many details about the coke-bottle body he thinks he’s going home with that night (the keyword being “thinks”).

In what felt like an endless laundry list of traits, we thought nothing could surprise us. This was, of course, before we discovered that a man may actually determine what type of relationship he will have with you based on the shape of your face.

A recent study shows that the shape of your face may determine whether you are “fling material” or “long-term material”. Now before you automatically enter skepticism (which I was guilty of when I first heard about this study) it is important to note that researchers believe this may be entirely subconscious for a man.

Researchers studied hundreds of men by showing them faces of women and asking which ones would be chosen for long-term relationships and which would be chosen for flings. Apparently facial features which are considered feminine (such a small chins and full cheeks) were often chosen as fling traits while features considered more masculine (stronger jaws and square faces) were chosen for long-term relationships. The theory is that subconsciously men find feminine features more attractive, but this attractiveness means that she is more likely to enter an affair.

Of course, there seems to be a number of opportunities where this study may have gone astray. Was race taken into consideration? Do full cheeks simply remind men of more youthful girls and they equate youth to flings as oppose to long-term relationships? What about the fact that it seems quite insulting that the woman’s likelihood of cheating is dependent on how attractive she is?

Tell us what you think and comment below!

Image source