Throwback Thursday | How The Internet Changed My Sex Life

This story was originally published in our Fall 2011 issue. Get your copy here.
Story by Paul Nakayama and Lena Chen

PAUL SAYS: 
My editor asked me, “How did the Internet change your sex life?”

“It gave me one?” I replied. Never mind that she didn’t laugh. It was sort of true what I said, but it’s not the whole truth. Now, I’m not talking about learning some power moves from online porn and changing my sex life that way (though that’s cool, too). I’m talking about how it became a conduit for getting more dates.

Years ago, after one particularly demoralizing break-up, I went on Match.com and did a quick search to see how many other fish were really in the sea. After inputting just two parameters, my zip code and an interest in women, I eagerly rubbed my hands together to see what lay in the digital land of opportunity.

Well, not much. Sure, there were hundreds of girls, but guess what? Just like in real life, when I walked up to girls in a club, saw them tower over me in their high heels, and I skulked away mumbling, “Sonnuvabitch,” size seemed to matter. Profile after profile, I saw the same damning words: Height must be at least 5’9.” With age, superficial rejections don’t bite as much, but to a 20-something me, it was a spirit sucker.

So, what did I do? I went onto my AsianAvenue.com blog and bitched about it. And then I bitched some more on Livejournal. I guess it was sort of like how I’m bitching again on Audrey. Point is, I wrote about it … a lot.

Before I knew it, people started reading what I was writing. Better still, female readers would start messaging me, asking if I wanted to grab coffee. All right, to be fair, there were more guys than girls wanting to hang out, but whatever, I figured it was due to gender proportions in my city.

I’m a would-be writer, so maybe I could use that to get a would-be sex life. That’s what I tried. But it was an early time for the Internet. There were things I had to get accustomed to. For instance, instant messaging started as a great “pre-date” method: getting to know someone, flirting, building a rapport. I thought it was great since I was better at typing than talking. But my own issues would come to the surface. I’d scream at the computer screen, “God! It’s ‘they’re,’ not ‘there!’” I’d sabotage potential dates if I didn’t like their grammar or if their screen name looked like tHiS. I know, what a snobby dick, right?

But it wasn’t just me with issues. There were women that used question- able photos. I mean, I was pretty sure that I wasn’t talking to Lucy Liu. Or, there were other photos where I had to ask, “Why are you hiding behind this house plant?” There were women that loved the buffet lines more than a conversation. I even had an eerie encounter where a girl invited herself over and refused to leave. Fearing a murder-suicide, I fought hard to stay awake, but losing the battle, I scribbled my last will and testament on a magazine.

Eventually, though, I started figuring it out. I met some really great women online, some that I dated very seriously for many years. I’m a true believer that the Internet can help you find someone suitable, open some doors. Just don’t crawl through someone’s Facebook page before you even get to know them. Nothing says “creepy stalker” or “restraining order” like telling someone everything that you know about them on your first date. But if you’re conscious that the Internet is just a tool for dating and not a crutch, it could totally lead to something great. In fact, you know what? I’m going to try and snag a date with the real Lucy Liu. I’ll just follow her on Twitter and see where that goes.

 

 

LENA SAYS:
When I started an OkCupid account, it was 2008 and online dating seemed to be the exclusive realm of the marriage-hungry or the hopelessly awkward. I went on some dates, but the site’s matchmaking formula, an algorithm that calculated compatibility using answers to personality tests, seemed hit-or-miss, no more effective than meeting a stranger at a bar. Overwhelmed by pages of search results and underwhelmed by e-suitors I met up with in real life, I never found much success with the site. Nowadays, I’m dating someone I met offline.

These days, however, OkCupid has become the go-to destination for Millennials short on time or opportunity. For those skeptical of venturing online for romance, don’t underestimate the prospect for finding lasting love. I’ve witnessed more than one longterm relationship come out of web-arranged dates. (One blogger I know met her husband on MySpace.) Online dating can be charming in its ruthless efficiency and democratic nature. On the web, everyone is fair game — just a wink or a poke away. People I might not otherwise encounter in day-to- day life are suddenly potential romantic partners. In some ways, that’s fantastic. (Who wants to only date people exactly like themselves?) In others, it’s terrifying. (How do I know Casanova666 isn’t an ax murderer? I don’t, so I carry pepper spray.)

When my friend, Danny, 30, was dumped by his girlfriend, one of his first steps toward recovery was to sign up for an account. Soon, he was booking himself two dates a night. Within a month, he’d shared coffee or drinks with so many women he could no longer tell them apart. One evening, he spent the first half of a date trying to figure out which profile belonged to the woman in front of him and what they had previously chatted about. Though his method may be questionable, if Danny wanted to remind himself of the other fish in the sea, then the World Wide Web is perhaps the biggest sea of all.

With the array of choices online, it’s tempting to rely on search features that comb through user databases to spit out results based on age, ethnicity, religion, education and even dietary preferences. The criteria with which you can assess potential partners range from the trivial (pet ownership status) to the maddeningly obscure (foreign languages spoken). Should a romantic decision really come down to whether someone is more of a dog person or a cat person? The Internet can make dating seem like an interview process. It’s easy to get caught up in looking for the next best thing or to falsely believe that you don’t need to compromise on your vision of an ideal partner or relationship, because there’s always that elusive better offer.

Cyber romances also blur the line between reality and illusion. Since you can chat extensively with someone before ever meeting, you naturally develop impressions and attachments that color your expectations. While I cringe at the thought of all the grammatically inaccurate spiels I’ve encountered, I’ve also encountered the flipside: a particularly crafty wordsmith might be able to wield a thesaurus and throw in an esoteric film reference or two, but they can be dismal conversation from across the dinner table. Unless one plans to carry out an entire courtship through electronically submitted data, what goes on online has to eventually get tested out in real-life. When people enter dates believing they’re meeting someone they already know, they can find themselves disappointed by a wildly different in-person impression or an unexpected real-life quirk.
Just as most offline marriages end in divorce, for every MySpace engagement, there are countless deactivated profiles. Citing “burnout,” Danny has recently cut down on the number of ladies he asks out for in-person meetings. This isn’t to say that online dating is any more or less desirable than traditional avenues of courtship. Romantic or not, online dating isn’t a passing trend or a substitute for the “real thing” — in today’s world, it is the real thing. So if you decide to venture into the abyss, just keep the following in mind: winks or pokes are far more effective electronically than in person.

 

More stories from Audrey Magazine’s Archives here.

 

Flashback Friday: Secrets To What Guys Want Finally Revealed

This story was originally published in our Summer 2012 issue. Get your copy here

Story by Paul Nakayama

To be perfectly honest, I’ve been dreading writing this issue’s Awful Truth for weeks now. Seeing as I’m currently stuck in my hotel room in Jodhpur, India, awaiting the passing of a brutal dust storm, I guess it’s nature’s way of telling me to get off my ass. I just wish my to-do reminders didn’t consist of strong winds scooping up cow dung from the streets and whipping them around town. I prefer the carrot to a stick made of hepatitis. At any rate, the topic for this issue is what men really want, so here’s what I did: I asked my single friends what they look for, and I asked my married friends what they love about their wives. If this works, the answer hopefully lies somewhere between a booty call and a divorce.

 

The Single Guys
Now this is a no-brainer, but with single guys (as with single girls), the company in which you ask this particular question will determine the political correctness and validity of the answers. For example, while I was having dinner with friends in Tokyo last week, I asked a guy what attracts him to a girl. Looking at the two women at our table, he remarked that he’s attracted to pretty eyes, a sense of humor and intelligence. He might as well have winked conspicuously, pointed finger guns at me, and clicked his tongue.

It’s not that he wasn’t telling the truth; those are things that most men would value, single or married. But it’s only a partial truth, a safe truth that can be uttered in the company of women without the threat of eyes being rolled or being gouged out.

I asked some single buddies of mine the same question while we were all crammed in a cab together. Now, keep in mind that alcohol was 90 percent of our stomach content at the time, but based on their answers, it would have been easier to post a multiple choice quiz, like so:
What do you look for in a girl? Is it:
1. A pretty face
2. Awesome bodunkadunk (or replace with your favorite slang term for buttocks)
3. Life-changing tatas (or replace with your favorite term of endearment for breasts)
4. All of the above

You get the picture. Everyone shouted all at once about something superficially physical followed by an unending round of high fives. I wanted slightly more definitive answers, so I asked them, “How about what you definitely don’t want?”

Immediately, I was bombarded with all sorts of things (excuse the graphic — yet verbatim — responses): “Bitches … gold diggers … naggers … trainers [girls that try to mold you].”

It was a laundry list that these men had pent up inside and had simply been waiting for someone to ask. Frustrations were just pouring out of them, like I had just grabbed hold of their gag reflex. If I had given them each a hug and a new car, it would’ve been like an episode of Oprah. It dawned on me that single men might know more of what they don’t want than what they do want. It sort of made sense. Let’s say single guys wanted a cake. They can’t define all the ingredients to make it taste right; they just know that there’s no vinegar or fish oil in the mix.

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The Married Guys
Now that I had some sense of what the single men were seeking (or avoiding), I wanted to see if what married men had sought as bachelors was the same as what they love about their wives now. A tricky question to answer, I know, but that’s the beauty of anonymous sources (and blackmailing said sources).

A friend I had just met in Tokyo was more than happy to answer the question, from his perspective anyway, but I feel it’s a commonly respected trait.

“I love that my wife trusts me and gives me space when I need it,” he said. “Independence is key.”

“That’s nice, man,” I replied, “but does she know that we’re headed to a strip club right now?”

“It doesn’t matter. I trust her to have healthy fun, and she trusts me to do the right thing,” he answered matter-of-factly. A great situation for him, but I was a little disappointed that I wouldn’t be blackmailing him for free sushi.

Several other friends agreed that having someone they can mutually trust and believe in is one of the great things about being married and in love with your wife. They also agreed that in their previous lives they would have traded trust for a 34C-28-36.

It’s funny, though, because as several married men touted the beauty of their independence to watch sports or drink with the boys, I got a different story from the wives. Cynthia, who’s both a wife and mother, laughed at what my married friends had said. “They may talk a big game now, but once they have kids, and their wife is now focused on the baby, they’ll be desperate for attention.”

She even recounted some stories where the men became jealous of the baby, then lonely, and eventually cheated on their wives, which of course ended in an ugly divorce. A cautionary tale for us all, to be sure. She bought me a panna cotta to curb the growing cynicism within me.

Guys in General
Having heard some depressing sh-t, I took a shot of Johnnie and then decided to go back and talk to my male friends some more, one-on-one. This time, I asked the single guys what they looked for in a girlfriend. Yes, the words “hot” and “sexy” came up more than a few times, but after signing affidavits that I wouldn’t attach their names to anything sappy in the article, I managed to squeeze out the mushy truth from them. In hushed, whispered tones, so as not to have their masculinity whisked away from them by the gods, they confided in me that in the end all they really want is a girl who can also be their best friend. Well, and sex. Lots of sex. But mostly a best friend.

Then I went back to my married friends and mentioned Cynthia’s comment. Things got real— like they were Bruce Willis realizing he was a ghost all along in the Sixth Sense. The fear that this trust and independence would turn into spousal neglect scared the crap out of them. I didn’t even have to ask them what they really loved about their wives; it was clear they just loved them. Rather than a follow-up interview, we ended up just chatting about recommendations for romantic restaurants. I pictured them slowly canceling their premium sports cable package and taking up ballroom dancing.

Last issue I talked about bromances and how men will often say to their best friends, “If you were a girl, I’d marry you.” Well,after this column, I realized that men do end up marrying their best friends. They just didn’t know it because it was all camouflaged under the boobs and stuff. So when it comes down to it, men, including yours truly, all want the same thing, whether we know it or not: attraction, mutual respect and companionship. And sex. Lots of sex.

 

5 Lessons Learned From Online Dating

Story by O.D.D. (Online Dating Diary) Girl

When Audrey unleashed its new look last fall, it was also the beginning of this column. Around the office (and to some of my close friends), I became known as O.D.D. Girl. What I didn’t disclose one year ago was that I had had my heart broken and was wavering on the idea of going online to find love. Nonetheless, it didn’t take too much convincing for my editor to get me to chronicle my adventures as an Asian American woman trying online dating for the first time.

Of course, it wasn’t easy. For the first time in my life, I was forced to look at myself and come to terms with what I really wanted in a partner. I’ve had my share of short-lived flings and semi-relationships, but I’ve never been in a long-term exclusive relationship. But after months of exchanging online messages and even going on dates, I realized it was time for me to think about getting serious with someone — and to be more serious about myself as well.

Over this past year, I managed to convince some of my peers and friends to try online dating for the first time, too. As I was coaching some of them, I gleaned some lessons from my experience. In no particular order, here they are.

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1. Don’t let the creeps get to you.
I know that online dating sites have horrible reputations for the kind of men on them. They’re slimy, they’re looking for hookups, they have weird fetishes — I won’t go on and on, but I’m sure you all know what I’m trying to get at. Just remember, they’re there. They will always be there. But the site is not 100 percent full of horrible men. For example, if some guy is projecting his Asian fetish onto you, you can (1) reply back with a sassy remark (with dignity, of course) to let him know he’s a racist prick, and (2) block him. Don’t allow one bad egg to ruin your entire experience, just like you shouldn’t allow the douchebag you met at the bar to define the rest of your love life either.

2. Dating does not get any easier as time goes on.
Whenever I tell my editor about my dates (from both online and offline), she always looks over to another married person and says, “I’m so glad I’m not dating in this age.” I’m realizing that as I get older, I’m running into guys with a lot of baggage because they’ve also had hard dating experiences, just like me. It’s not like my early 20s when we all pretty much had clean slates. So accept it — you’re not always going to meet perfect guys with perfect backgrounds, but it doesn’t mean that they’re not nice people or haven’t learned from their dating past.

3. Don’t be afraid to tell your Asian parents you met someone on an online dating site.
Not too long ago, my mother asked me if I was a lesbian. I suppose she had every right to, since I hadn’t brought anyone home to meet her. I then told her that I was talking to someone online — and she didn’t try to disown me. Perhaps it helped that one of my older aunts married a guy she met online recently. Either way, don’t be ashamed to let your parents know how you met the guy — it’ll help open them up if they haven’t already.

4. Don’t just go for the guys who look good on paper.
I was really surprised to see how many Asian guys were on these online dating sites — and how many of them looked really good on their profiles. There were so many guys who were tall, handsome, working professionals (with an income of six figures!), did just about every activity in the book, were well traveled, and were quite charming in their messages. Does that make them Prince Charming in real life? Of course not! My point is, take a chance on the guys who may not seem so perfect on paper because I’ve learned that some guys were intentional in not creating the perfect profile — they wanted to see if they could attract the right kind of girl. I actually did that once, and I found a pretty good guy in real life.

5. Be absolutely honest with the guys you date (and yourself, too).
Don’t ever tell a guy the opposite of what you’re looking for because you want to go along with what he wants. It won’t do you any good. Instead, communicate well and let him know what you’re looking for from the get-go — it will save you trouble and time. Trust me.

So how have my dating adventures fared to date, given the first anniversary of this column? I don’t want to give away too much now, because I feel like I’ve gotten into something that’s just starting. However, I’ll leave you with this: I think I’ve found one guy who’s got a hold on me.

Until next time.

 

This story was originally published in our Fall 2013 issue. Get your copy here

Revenge Done Wrong: Girl Publicly Shames Guy She Had A Few Dates With

A 26-year-old Chinese American writer who describes herself as “a connaisseuse of all things entertainment and communications” has set a perfect example of how one should not handle a break up.

Quin Woodward Pu, editor-in-chief of online blog Little Black Blog, decided to share one of her personal dating experiences with her readers. For the sake of the interested parties, many authors try to be discreet about sharing details about their personal life. Pu, on the other hand, decided to go in the opposite direction.

Dishing on all the details (of her side of the story), Pu tells readers about a guy she met at a bar and started emailing. She also adds how sloppy and drunk he was though we get the feeling this was just another jab at him. After a few dates, she invited the man to her birthday party, but ended up receiving the following text message:

text

At this point, we’re on Pu’s side. One should never have to receive such ill news via text. But on the other hand, it wasn’t a very mean text at all. Honesty is best right? If he wasn’t looking for a relationship, it was best that he expressed that early on. It’s irritating, but certainly not unforgivable… right?

Apparently not for Pu.

“I was stunned into paralysis,” she dramatically explains. “I had no words–this never happens–and I just felt short of breath. There were many things that pissed me off, but I was so flustered I couldn’t even articulate them. Again, this is a serious problem for a writer and effusive communicator.”

Play it cool? Forget that. Pu sends an excruciatingly long response sprinkled with some compliments for herself and some harsh words for him:

response

Now don’t get us wrong. Her anger? Totally understandable. It’s not like she can help that. Responding with the full passion of her feelings? Sure, it’s her life. But involving his boss and coworkers? Sharing their text conversations to the public? A little harsh.

Our advice: Take a step back and calm yourself down after being dumped. Often, the initial reaction is to hurt the person in the way you’ve been hurt, but this doesn’t have to be done in an extreme manner. If you weren’t ready for a relationship, your job should not be suddenly threatened because you were honest about it.

Read more about this story here.

Solve Your Love, Trust and Relationship Issues with … a Spray Bottle?

Love complications, sticky situations, and trust issues. Yes, here at Audrey, we’ve come across a fair share of these unfortunate relationship stories from both personal experience and everyday chit-chat with others.

So we started thinking. Wouldn’t it be great if there was some sort of magical solution to it all? If there were a product we could purchase and no longer fear our trust issue’s worst nightmare? Wouldn’t it be great to just be able to have some sort of control over love and trust?

Then we found exactly what we imagined. No, not magic. Apparently, the product we’ve been looking for is available thanks to science.

Vero Labs brings us Liquid Trust.  The website claims,

“Liquid Trust Enhanced has been specially designed to give a boost to the dating and relationship area of your life. This upgraded formula still contains the same great Oxytocin formula, but now includes the powerful pheromones Androstenone and Androsterone.

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Apparently the formula is laced with oxytocin- a hormone our body naturally creates. The idea is that the hormone promotes social interaction. Oxytocin is produced in the brain’s hypothalamus, which regulates emotion and is believed to be key in pair-bonding.

The website claims “Without realizing why, the people around you have a strong feeling of trust. They can’t explain it, but you know that Liquid Trust is doing its magic!”

Skeptical? Suspicious? We certainly are. But like us, Thought Catalog‘s Mélanie Berliet was filled with curiosity. After ordering a bottle herself, her results were what we expected: inconclusive.

Did Liquid Trust really help her get a deal on new shoes and have a great night in with her boyfriend? Or was the spray simply implementing a placebo effect and giving her the confidence to do these things? We may never know- the bottle ended up in the trash after all.

A product like this can create a whole world of progress. Berliet points out that it can “help those afflicted with social phobias, autism or Williams syndrome, a rare genetic disorder that leads children to approach strangers indiscriminately.” But on the other hand, it has commercial exploitation written all over it.

With the experiment behind her and the bottle in the trash, Berliet realized that even if the spray did work, do we really want to alter someones internal chemistry and redirect their emotions so inorganically?

We’re gonna go ahead and stick to the old-fashioned way.

 

After 10 Years of The Awful Truth: A Teachable Moment

COLUMNIST PAUL NAKAYAMA RUMINATES OVER HIS INABILITY TO FIND THE ONE WITHIN THE PAST DECADE AND COMES UP WITH A FEW PRACTICAL LOVE LESSONS.

 

It’s hard to believe, but this is my 10th year writing The Awful Truth. I joked around with my editor that I was probably the most veteran employee at the company.

“So,” she asked, “in a decade, what have you learned about relationships or love?”

I opened my mouth to answer and instead, changed the subject to sports. If I were going to be clueless in a conversation, it would at least be regarding something I didn’t care about. When I started working on this column, I was an idealistic 28-year-old. I thought I’d definitely be married with kids in a 10-year span. But one minute, I’m watching marathons of 24, and in the next, I’m effing 38.

So, I thought about it. Why didn’t it work out with some of the great loves of my life, or why haven’t I found The One? (And by The One, I don’t mean Keanu Reeves, though at this point it’s better than nothing.) I stared at a blank page on my laptop in hopes of writing out a clever answer. My head started to hurt, so instead I watched five seasons of Mad Men. You probably think that I’m single because I’m addicted to television. You’re not wrong, but there’s more to it.

Half procrastinating, half ruminating, I started organizing a bunch of names into columns as an exercise. Column A: Girls I liked. Column B: Girls who liked me. Column C: Girls from A and B that actually dated me. And in doing this, the answer revealed itself before me — like with dating, I was overthinking things.

I remember my friend telling me about how this girl had sent him a one-page letter from summer camp. Prepubescent boner on full alert, he promptly replied with a five-page gesture, full of wit and passion. She wrote back with another one-pager, saying mostly that camp sucks. This is pretty much the analogy for how I chased girls whom I thought I saw a chance with, seeing signs when there were none. In modern terms, it’s the same as texting a girl, getting a nebulous response a day later, and thinking, “She texted back … there’s a chance!”

Making a small thing seem like a big thing was my thing. I’d break up with girls that offended me in minor ways because I would think, “If she’s capable of that, what else is she gonna do to me?” For example, I called it off with this one girl because she made me eat a spoonful of mayo in front of my friends to prove my love for her. I did it to save her face, but oh, did I loathe her for that. Come to think of it, she made me eat the Devil’s seed, and I’m glad I dumped her.

As I get older, I realize I’ve become a little superstitious. I believe in jinxing myself. I’ve seen enough great opportunities go sour because I couldn’t wait to tell my friends about some girl and how we made a connection. You know, boasts that would end with “Well, I wouldn’t call her my girlfriend … yet.” And sure enough I never did. To me, luck is now a big part of whether it works out with someone. Even if she’s the right girl, it’s just good luck or bad luck as to whether you met her at the right time. So if luck is a factor, least I can do is shut the hell up and not jinx myself.

Another thing I used to do wrong was fall for girls for all the wrong reasons. Just because she can sing her ass off and give me goose bumps does not mean we’re meant to be. Otherwise I’d be in love with Mariah Carey, and she’s insane. Or just because she thinks video games are art and shares my opinion that “Bioshock” is a masterpiece of modern storytelling does not make her Mrs. Right, though technically it makes her right. Sadly, it wasn’t from self-realization, but rather Chloë Grace Moretz’s 12-year-old character in 500 Days of Summer that taught me that nugget of wisdom.

In writing this piece, I had a High Fidelity moment. I considered talking to all of my exes to suss out where things fell apart — you know, what the common thread of my failed relationships might be. But they’re all nice girls — too nice to call me a dick to my face — so I sat and thought on it. As you’ve already guessed, the common thread is me. If there’s any hope for this trend to end, it’s got to start with that. So, finally, the following is a list of things that have caused problems in the past that I will take to heart.

Be honest with how I feel. Not be jealous, or if I am, not be Real House- wives-y about it. Learn to enjoy her interests every now and then, unless she’s into S&M. Don’t dance unless there are strobe lights or it’s dark. Never dress up as Pocahontas ever again. Forcing a schedule on love seems to almost always ruin it, but taking it for granted is a slow death. Don’t be mean to girls who enjoy mayo; they’re people, too.

This story was originally published in the Summer ’13 issue of Audrey Magazine. Buy your copy here

 

 

Summer 2013 | Online Dating Diary (O.D.D): Back To The Real World

DEPT: The Market
AUTHOR: O.D.D. Girl
ISSUE: Summer 2013

“AFTER DEALING WITH THE BIGGEST ONLINE FROG TO DATE, O.D.D. GIRL DECIDES TO TAKE A BREAK FROM THE ONLINE DATING WORLD.”

 

In my last column, I made a vow that I would be honest with myself, specifically about what I wanted: more of a relationship and less casual dating. I would stop going along with what the guy wanted, which always seemed to end up with me being a doormat or a best friend. With that in mind, I decided to vocalize what I was looking for (and not looking for) when the next guy came around.

Then along came Brandon (not his real name).

I met Brandon online and went on a couple of dates with him. From the beginning, I was brutally honest: 1) He wasn’t going to sleep with me right off the bat, and 2) I wasn’t going to take on the role of his therapist. With that in place, it was fun getting to know him through texts and drinks, exchanging stories about growing up in our respective hometowns, and work adventures. Then out of nowhere, he laid a stink bomb on me: He was suicidal, possibly a borderline personality, with a lot of baggage, and would make the worst boyfriend ever. He started to unpack every dark secret he’d ever harbored while I just sat there looking dumbfounded the entire time. I thought maybe we could just be friends, but he began to act possessively and it got to the point where I almost had to dial 911 while at work. Thankfully, we drifted apart before it escalated any further.

There was one thing about Brandon that stuck with me: He had asked me why I chose to continue dating online when there simply weren’t any quality men online. I realized that I had hit a slump and needed to take a break from online dating. I had grown too comfortable with how convenient it was. And as soon as I got offline, I discovered I wasn’t the same person I was nine months ago when I had started actively using an online dating profile.

In fact, one of the most important things I learned from online dating was the power of withholding information. In addition to my concealed face, I kept a bare-bones profile on the dating site — and it attracted a lot more men than I would’ve imagined. There are plenty of dating articles that tell us how men love the chase — this idea of acquiring information is just a part of that. Now, when I meet new guys, I’m social, but I don’t give out too much personal information.

Regardless, going back to the “real world” wasn’t very different. In fact, I started recognizing some of the guys who had messaged me on the dating site at actual events. While initially it was alarming to be in such close proximity to them (even though they didn’t realize it was me), I relished in the realization that some of their personalities were very different from their online profiles. Of course, all this means is that online dating has become very normal. It hasn’t replaced meeting people in real life, but it may impact our dating patterns.

I tell you, though — I wasn’t offline for very long. After three weeks, I went back to the dating site. Since Brandon, I’ll admit I’ve become numb. I’m starting to develop an attitude where I don’t care how my dating escapades turn out. A girlfriend pointed out that because I had only been in love once in my life, right after college, the online dating experience probably made me even more jaded. Which made me think about my dating style: Should I continue with the serial dating and risk becoming more jaded? Or is it better to date a lot less, but risk not developing a love life?

Until next time. — O.D.D. Girl

Celebrating Chennai Express: Shah Rukh Khan’s Best Movie Looks (in GIFs)

In honor of Shah Rukh Khan’s latest film Chennai Express, out August 8, here are his best looks:

 

1. The “I Know I’m Here For Your Wedding/Engagement Party, but You Know You Love Me” look.

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2.  The “I’ll Save You From the ______” look.

…Fire

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…Tiger

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…Overbearing Father

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3. The “Oops, I Got Stuck to You, but It’s Not Creepy because This is How You Realize I’ll Love You More Than Anyone Else in the World” Look

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4. The “Don’t Think You Can Escape Me, I’m Always In Your Heart” Look

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5. The “I’m Acting Like a Spoiled Brat, So Your World Can Be Even More Blown When Upcoming Lessons in Humility Turns Me Into The Perfect Man For You” look.

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6. The “I’ll Catch You When You Fall” Look

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7. The “Now I’m Just Showing Off” Look

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8. The “I’m Not Ashamed to Cry” Look

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9. The “I PromiseYou. Everything Will Be OK” Look

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And of course…

10: The “I Will Love You Until The End of Time” Look

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Ask Audrey Staff | Awkward Love Advice From Asian Parents

There is a saying that Asian parents and older Asians in general like inserting themselves in our lives. They want to pass on their knowledge and wisdom by giving their opinion on everything. Everything. They will tell us how we ought to handle school, how to keep our complexions maintained, and even enforce a handful of cultural urban myths that make absolutely no sense, but must be followed because the elders say so.

So when we finally reach an age where dating is acceptable to our parents (ie. the age we finally stop hiding our significant others from them), our parents and relatives believe thats it’s their born duty to give us love advice. Awkward? Yes. Makes no sense? Sometimes. Funny? Always.

Since we have an abundance of it, we’ve decided to share this wisdom and knowledge with you. Here is our own account of Awkward Love Advice From Asian Parents:

Disclaimer: These are all actual things that our parents/relatives have told us, but by no means do we actually believe in or endorse this advice at all. We find it just as awkward as you do.

shhhhh
“Don’t talk to him/her too much. Then you will run out of things to say and then you will start fighting. And then you will break up. No happy ending.”

date
“If you’re out on a date and he can’t decide what to order, he’s no good. If he keeps changing his taste in food, then he’ll change his taste in women.”

pale
“Don’t date men who are too pale. They are weak sexually.”

mother
“Check out the girls’ mother. That’s what she’ll end up looking like in 20-30 years.”

tux
“Marry someone who is ugly so he will never cheat on you.”

widows
“If you marry a girl with a widow’s peak, you would die early.”

make up
“When your husband gets home from work, put some makeup on so that you don’t look like a sick person. Men are visual creatures.”

mole
“If a man has a mole on his lips, thats good. It means he’s a good kisser. If a woman has a mole on her lips, thats bad. It means she gossips too much.”

mother son
“Be like his mother. Men like women who remind them of their mothers.”

MrsChangGlee
“Don’t be like his mother. Men hate when women remind them of their mothers.”

MUST WATCH: 17-Year-Old Kim Ho in ‘The Language of Love’

If you’re in the mood to have your heart melt, then we have just the thing for you. Australian highschool student, Kim Ho, stars in his beautifully written short, “The Language of Love”.

The short follows a highschool student, Charlie, who is unable to focus on his French exam when the assignment asks him to write a letter to his best friend.

He pulls the audience into his own world and eventually reveals his inner-struggle. He is in love with his best friend- who happens to be a boy. We are allowed into his very personal emotions of passionate confession, confusion, and fear.

“Its not because he’s a boy,” Charlie explains,  “He just happens to be one and I can’t figure out if that makes it wrong”

Charlie pulls us deeper and deeper into his personal feelings and ultimately reaches a realization.

“You always hear people say it’s weird and just not normal, but isn’t that the point of love?” he asks. “To transcend normalness and become something special?”

Needless to say, this short film is beautiful, inspiring, and heartwarming. Watch it for yourself below: