You’ve got questions — we’ve got answers! Psychotherapist Meme Rhee addresses your most pressing dilemmas, including long distance relationships and Facebook love etiquette. (Got a conundrum? Email us at Editor@Audreymagazine.com)
I’m in a long-distance relationship with someone from across the world. Recently, I’ve been so busy that I don’t really have the time to think about him or have the motivation to call him. Is it possible to be too busy that you temporarily put him aside or are those signs that I’m losing feelings for him? — Fading Away
Psychotherapist Meme Rhee answers: Healthy relationships require the attention and effort of each individual. In an ideal partnership, that exchange is balanced. However, to achieve a level of emotional congruency and patience with your partner is not easy, and it’s particularly difficult when you are geographically challenged. It is possible that you are too busy to think about him, and it’s also possible that it’s too painful to think about him and by “putting him aside” you’ve found a way to manage your feelings without feeling too inconvenienced by them. Because, let’s face it, who wants to pine for someone on the other side of the world?
The capacity to communicate your needs and attend to the other’s needs even when you don’t feel like it might offer you a better gauge to answer your question. You might ask yourself if the intention to keep the relationship going realistically factored each of your needs, or was it done as a desperate attempt to avoid a painful parting? If you have significant history together you may know that the other person is worth waiting for. And I would recommend that you be specific: he’s worth waiting for for X months with X visits a year. That’s for you to fill in the blanks. For some people, absence makes the heart grow fonder, and for others, it’s out of sight, out of mind.
I’ve been dating this guy for three months now. He has been adamant about not being on Facebook and not getting what the whole thing is about. I, on the other hand, have a very active FB life. Last night he joined and added me as a friend. Should I be concerned that he’s using it as a tool to keep tabs on me? Thanks! — FB User 101
Psychotherapist Meme Rhee answers: Hmmm. Should he be concerned that he’ll find something? Perhaps he wants to share and connect on something that’s important to you. If he becomes vigorous in asking you questions like, “Who’s the guy commenting on your cleavage photo?” and “Why is your status single today?” that would be something each of you could examine. Is he spying, and are you provoking? Communicating directly with each other about what feels respectful and caring of the other could make the experience fun for both of you.